July 15th - Hamstra Day

It's 12:12 am and today is the day we bring Laila home. I've been busy getting the house ready so I'm all caught up on cleaning and can just focus on her and having fun with all three kids (that's fun to say :)

Jack and I have talked a little bit about how we both aren't sure if we're feeling the way we're supposed to be feeling. We're not jump up and down excited like some would be and we're not nervously scared like others would be. We're just us. Going through everyday getting in place the things that need to be done to have our daughter here. The thing is that it's not wrong, it's actually very, very right. We just feel like she supposed to be here and where has she been all along because her place is here. It's not even like it's new (though obviously in some ways it does) it's just like she fits. After we had her for that first weekend it was like we realized she fit the hole that we had both been feeling for so long but couldn't quite figure out what the plan was for us and for more children. She fits. She's always fit, just in God's own timing.

What I wanted to write earlier today about Emma and Jackson was both of their reactions to a new sister. I don't think I ever explained it in another post. We sat them down for dinner several weeks ago and brought up the idea of having Laila come and live with us and both kids were strikingly mature about it. You'd expect a kid to automatically say yes or no, but both of them spent time in their own way thinking. Emma started with asking some question and saying she was a bit nervous. We answered her questions and then she said that yes she would like to have her become her sister. All the while Jackson sat quietly on his end of the table so we finally asked him what he thought and he sat for a minute and then finally said "I need some time to think about it." Uh, how old is he?!?!? So we asked if we could answer any questions and he simply said no. The night went on and we didn't say anything to him and then at bed time he called us both into his room. He said "Mom & dad I have something to tell you. I want Laila to come and be my sister." We asked what had made his mind up and if Emma had told him to say that and he said "uh no, I said I just needed time to think and now I know I want her to."

Since the talks that kids have been nothing but excited about finally having their sister come to stay with us permanently. They are both big helps with her and we're grateful for that. As I'm sure you have gathered, she has some disabilities. I haven't spelled them out on here because I don't want that to be what people automatically label her as. I'm not ashamed of the way God made her, I'm actually very excited about it but I know there are others who don't see her that way, they may never look past the tube or the wheelchair. I'm thankful that God has given us different eyes and different hearts for her and that he included our other two children in that as well. At times it will be difficult I'm sure but it is so completely clear that this is God's plan for all of us so we know that He'll bring us through those and help us to see the complete joy that is Laila. Smile, giggles, curiosity, and the unknown are just a few of the amazing wonders God is giving us in this amazing little girl. We're thankful for it all.