An Emotional Day

Today will be Emma's first day of Kindergarten. She is very excited and to be truthful I thinks she really needs it. She's been very emotional and a bit naughty lately and I think she's just been bored mixed with a little bit of anxiety. She the type of girl that just wants people to like her. That is good and bad. Good because she is usually very nice to other children but bad because she seems like she'll be or do whatever her friends want her to so they will like her. I've been praying like crazy about her school experience and that God will bring her a good group of kids and and that He'll protect her and give her boldness for Him as she goes through these years. It kind of terrifies me to think that we starting this journey of many years of school. I'm gonna miss her and I have thought over the past couple of years how little time I had before she would start school and I would have to share my time with her. Jack and I prayed over her together last night about all of these things and I hoping that "where two or more are gathered......" I probably won't get to post any first day pictures today but keep looking and I'll try to get to them sometime this week.

Today will also be the funeral for my cousin Adam. A little over a week ago he was driving and swerved to miss some deer and wrecked his car. He held on for a few days but his cranial injuries were just too severe. I gotta tell ya, I'm having a real hard time with this one. Adam's step-dad passed away just last fall so that means this family has these two tremendous tragedies within about nine months of each other. What is God doing? I've been asking myself this question and I can not come up with an answer. I guess sometimes there just isn't one for us to know. I prayed and sort of yelled (yep and I didn't get struck by lightning) at God and told Him that I thought He should've gone with my plan of miraculously healing Him and then everyone would've seen how awesome and powerful He is and would've given Him all the glory for this whole thing. As I cried and yelled I heard, "I know the plans I have." And I thought, "well I know that Jeremiah 29 says that but here in this situation, I don't think you know what you're doing (p.s. still no lightning). And I heard "I know the plan I have, for you, for Adam, for Lisa, for Jordan, for Derek, for Lois, and my grace is sufficient." I can't say that I've completely let my argument go but I have felt the prayers and am having a calming in my spirit which is good after so much anger. I know He'll help me come around but in this situation I think if I didn't know what I know in the bible so God could speak those soft whispers of His spirit to me, I would be completely lost. Pray for me and my family today as we let go of this young man we all dearly loved who used to let me borrow his bed when I would baby-sit them in the summer, how dearly loved his family, who would trade anything to take away the sorrow right now. Pray for us.

And as for me today, I'm thinking about buying some stock in Kleenex. It's gonna be a long day.